Feeling Other: Relapse

SCENE.

Dark room, one lamp lit. Sitting across from each other, T and T. Amy Winehouse playing in the background He Can Only Hold Her on repeat. On the side table Howard Sounes’ Amy, 27 and a newly opened box of cancer sticks. Tense atmosphere filled with memories of half-truths and substandard words of encouragement. Same faces but completely different people since the toll of time.

TIFFANY
What brings you here today?

TONY
I was driving, almost home, but I didn’t turn. I had to drive a bit longer. I found myself at the gas station ‘Marlboro Gold Beyond’, which was received with that all too familiar look of disgrace but I wasn’t phased. I was scrolling through my contact list, inhaling all the trying away. I realised I didn’t really want to talk. I was worried about my psychological state, inhaling all the good away. I saw your name and here I am.

TIFFANY
So why are you here?

TONY
I thought maybe you could do that thing you are trained to do and get me talking. The words are all there but they resist being actualised.

TIFFANY
Hmmm… and I’m meant to do that thing that gets you talking?

TONY
I was hoping for that. I sense impending winter.

TIFFANY
Winter?

TONY
Cold yearning for recklessness. No sunlight as lungs fill with poison and body warms with the pleasure of regret, revealing in self-loath. Pretending not to give a damn. Self-distructive shit. 

TIFFANY
[sighs and writes several notes down]

TONY
I have been reading a lot lately. But I feel that has done more harm than good. Have you ever read a book that signifies a mirror for you to watch yourself? And you see the pitiful attempts you make not to be other?

TIFFANY
Other?

TONY
Yea, you know, that other part of yourself you so terribly want to believe isn’t there?

TIFFANY
Self-acceptance issues?

TONY
Beyond…

TIFFANY
Beyond?

TONY
[sneers]
Gold.

TIFFANY
Maybe this was just another wrong turn. Perhaps you ought to go home. Shower and rest. You’ve been down this road before, turn back home. 

TONY
I’ve never known where that is. I mean, I possibly know now but…

TIFFANY
The fear of loss?

TONY
“I have been worried about my psychological state lately.” Did you not hear me the first time? Just do the thing. Get it all out of me.

TIFFANY
I’m afraid you’re too grown for that now. You have to make yourself do it, all on your own. You gotta, for your own sake.

TONY
My sake? Perhaps I did make the wrong turn. 

END SCENE.

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